Happy World Diabetes Day!

Since 10 years old I've had a very demanding companion hanging around me everywhere I go. We've never been best buddies, but I've learned to live with it. Being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes was actually not a big deal for me since my best friend's dad had it as well and I was familiar with the disease.    

I have never let diabetes stop me from doing anything I want. I'm doing sports, I've toured around the world, performed in some amazing places and venues, I've lived in different countries. 

At the same time I've fought back bitter tears more times I can count. I've passed out of insulin shock about 6 or 7 times (I've lost count), each of them could have easily killed me. Once I hit my head on a metal magazine rack in a grocery store. It was just a centimeter or 2 away from my eye. How many times I've had to pass on going for a run, gym, or kickboxing just because my sugar levels are too low and forcing me to just sit and do nothing. On those moments I feel such rage, like I've been defeated by some invisible evil. It's a really low and depressing feeling. Diabetes unfortunately makes me use maybe 60% or 70% of my potential, because you are constantly so tired and worn out of all the blood sugar complications, nightly awakenings etc your body and head simply don't work 100%. 

With diabetes you are constantly thinking of your next move; what you did and ate yesterday, what are you going to do in the next few hours, tomorrow, are you gonna exercise, are you stressed, are you traveling and have to figure out where you can get food from and what time, are you sick, what's the weather like etc - and based on these and million other things you decide your insulin dose every time you eat carbohydrates (and different carbs act differently as well). Need I go on any more. Sigh.

Sometimes I really miss the carelessness I can never have. You have to be in control all.the.time. You simply cannot let go of the control, or you might die. Or lose your eye sight, kidney, toes or fingers. Who other diabetics have been scared to death as a child with freaky photos of rotten feet and stuff at the doctors? :D

In a way diabetes has also been a blessing in disguise, stopping me from going bonkers with alcohol and partying. It has given me a reason to live a healthy, balanced life. If I'm working too hard or getting sick diabetes will tell me straight away. When I was close to burn out my diabetes went so crazy and bad I actually thought I WAS gonna lose a kidney or toes. I literally forces me physically to stop when things get too intense. 

It has made me to take a deep breath and reconsider what the values of my life are. I don't care about materia; fancy bags and designer clothes, cars, apartments, I give zero f*s. None of that matters if you are sick and in pain, and feeling like shit all the time. Your health is The Most important thing you have. Of course everyone wants and deserves to live in a nice place with all the things they need, but all I really wish is to be healthy and stay with my family as long as possible. No car can give that to me. 

My diabetes has also gotten worse with age, or so it feels. It reacts much more sensitive to everything the longer I've had it. Diabetes is also different with different people. I for example am very insulin sensitive. It means my body reacts strongly to insulin and it's hard for me to keep the sugar levels steady. You'd think a person who does a lot of sports, doesn't smoke or drink at all and eats only healthy food would be in a perfect balance :D Haha hell no! 

There is not yet cure for diabetes. Maybe there will be in my lifetime, but I doubt I will ever be cured and 100% healthy again. The treatment of diabetes has developed so much since I was diagnosed. It's actually crazy how much! My first blood sugar meter took a minute to give the result - now you don't even have to prick your fingers but we have fancy sensors attached in the arm that sends data to the reader gadget, and you can download the whole thing to your computer and it gives you all kinds of reports of your blood glucose behavior :D

When I was diagnosed I spent a month in the hospital. Nowadays you'll get out in less than a week. 

Can you also imagine that insulin or making of it was only invented/discovered in 1920's? Before the discovery of insulin, this was the very fate for patients young and old diagnosed with this deadly disease. Adults typically lived under two years, while children rarely lived longer than one years’ time. They suffered greatly with blindness, loss of limbs, stroke, heart attacks, kidney failure and eventually death. 
(Source: www.thediabetescouncil.com/diabetes-before-and-after)

I cannot express my eternal gratitude to all the diabetes scholars, doctors and nurses who have devoted their life to studying and working with this disease. Thanks to them, I'm still alive. The World Diabetes Day, 14th of November marks the birthday of Frederick Banting himself, the discoverer of insulin.

Diabetes is no longer a death sentence, but it still takes up a major part of your life. My best support is my family and fiancé, and staying in touch with other diabetics. Reading their stories, experiences and simple peer support is the best way of getting through a tough day. 

So let's not be shy about our difficulties. There are also many other chronic diseases that affect us and our friends' lives every day. You are all heroes, being able to manage a normal, great life while keeping yourself alive and controlling those conditions!

Me now...

...And me as 10 years old in hospital after being diagnosed